I got up with the usual cup of coffee and something on PBS this Saturday, and within the half hour, I was at work. I took a moment to make out the day's chore list for the kids. Something I usually reserve for the summer months, but the house was in worse than usual condition.
I use a bullet list with check boxes on the side for them to mark their accomplishments. Over the years, they developed their own way of deciding who does what without any help from me, and things can get done fairly well. When they were younger and not as good at cooperating, I had 3 mini-lists on a single page, one for each child, then 4 lists, one for each of them and then mine. Seeing my list helped them to know that they were not really doing everything. Of course, I never ask them to work if I'm sitting on my butt, but the list helped them to see the things that I was doing and the bonus benefit was that they began to appreciate all that I did do. The first time I did that,
I couldn't believe what all I can get done in a day.
When they were younger, the list comprised of about 6-8 things. This sounds like a lot for some kids to get done in a day and still have time for some fun, but its really not. This amount of chores all on a check list really looks impressive to the child and in the end they have a sense of pride for getting it all done.
Now we all know that smaller children (4-5 yrs.) can benefit from a chore list, but they don't usually have that much of an attention span and you don't want to have to crack the whip all day. That just sucks the fun out of parenting and being a kid, and I think the message of "working together for the benefit of all" message doesn't really gets across. So I always padded the list with some everyday things. For example:
- Brush teeth
- brush hair
- feed and water guinea pig
- put away your laundry
- get dirty laundry in hamper
- shower
Then I threw in one or two more things that are more that are really a chore. I was always careful to let the kids know that they are not just to be responsible for just themselves, we are working together and sometimes things don't seem fair. For instance, when your job is to pick up the living room, you pick up the whole living room, not just your mess.
I also broke down the jobs for them more when they were younger. An example for the living room then would be,
- pick up the living room
- fold living room blankets
- dust living room
- clean glass on doors
- sweep living room
Now that they are older, its just "living room".
Over the years, they have learned to cooperate better, have a sense of pride in their home, an appreciation of what they have, developed an ability to see what needs to be done and don't mind getting it done and are a bit more proactive in keeping things tidy throughout the course of the week. There are no complaints, and no yelling or arguing about anything too much (just the normal annoying of each other), and they know that these things get done before they can play.
I have to say that this isn't the only time that they have to work, they are asked to do things throughout the week also, but just something small here and there and they don't even notice how much they do. And let me stress, "fair" has nothing to do with it. "I don't care who did it last, I'm asking you to do it now, please."
I know that some parents disagree about this, but my children do not receive an allowance. Not for the list work or otherwise. My husband and I feel that the lists are reflective of what a family should do, work together for each other. The reward is the feeling of accomplishment, and being able to stand back and see a clean room.
My oldest child is 17 and he is becoming a fine young man who is fine with keeping up on the work around the house as part of being in a family, helps his younger siblings with getting their stuff done...sometimes, is respectful of other peoples time, and has learned to get the work done first so he can have the rest of the day instead of dragging the work out. He doesn't feel he needs to be paid for every little thing that he does either, and that goes for around the house and helping in the community in general. I can see the same qualities developing in my other children, too. (altough, my 9 year old swears that she is just fine living in a pig sty) So I am going to pass judgement and say that the check lists have been a success and I will continue to use them till the last chick leaves the nest.
